


Your Homecoming King (rewritten)

by artbabe



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bullying, Depression, High School, M/M, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Angst, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:06:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23543593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artbabe/pseuds/artbabe
Summary: Dan can't see how perfect he really is, and Phil wants to change that.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Your Homecoming King (rewritten)

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! this is a rewrite of one of my works from two years ago! I haven't really written anything in a while but I remembered how much I loved the concept of this work (both the subject matter and the form) so I decided to revisit. please let me know what you think!
> 
> also -content warning- this work does contain some depressive and suicidal thoughts, please be cautious and reach out if you are struggling

You think you are invisible. It sounds like a cliché, and you probably know that. You sulk through the hallways, head down and hood up, staying out of sight. But no one can truly disappear. 

Sometimes you hide in the bathrooms and just look at yourself in the mirror.  You must be in pain, to stay there for so long. What are you looking for?

You pretend to ignore insults to your appearance, but you always smooth over your hair or your stomach or whatever the subject of ridicule was as soon as everyone looks away.

You wear heavy boots and a leather jacket sometimes to make yourself feel stronger, even though you know it will never really be enough.

You always notice the people who look at you oddly and turn to their friends to whisper something about you, about how stupid you are, how ugly you look, how you don’t deserve to be happy. Your clenched fists and tight jaw give you away every time, even when you pretend to be ignorant. 

Sometimes you feel insignificant, unworthy, disgusting. It’s all written in the little notebook you carry to every class. Brightly colored pens contrasting the darkness of your words. 

Other times, you wish you could just be dead. These are the worst times. The times that you consider letting go of it all. Nothing seems to matter anymore. 

You deserve better.

And sometimes, you wish you could be better. It’s not that you haven’t tried, but it’s just  _ so much _ . You wish that you could just be perfect.

What you can’t see is that you are already perfect.

Somewhere in the back of your notebook is a blank page tainted by a single word.  _ Whore _ . It isn’t true, but you choose to believe it. You have found comfort in your pain.

It wasn’t your fault.

You quietly add a new word to the page, a cherry red  _ useless _ .

Your long fingers tap at your desk, your knee, your chair. You are in constant motion. You think this makes you irritating. You don’t understand the comfort from the rhythm of your body. 

  
  


Sometimes, those beautiful fingers run through your brown curls. They look golden in the sunlight, but you’ve never noticed that. You’re always busy looking down, trying to hide.

You think you’re unlovable.

_ You don’t deserve to feel that way. _

You think you’re ugly.

_ But you’re gorgeous. _

You think you’ll never matter.

_ You are everything. _

_ You are not invisible. You are not disgusting. You are not what your worst thoughts say about you. You are truly perfect, inside and out. _

~ Someone who sees you, and will never stop seeing you

**Author's Note:**

> again, please let me know how it was in the comments! and if you read the original i would love to hear your thoughts on the changes i made :)
> 
> you can also dm me on tumblr (@garageband-bitch) or Instagram (@angelxseason)! thank you for reading!


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